A manly proposal.

Start with a mantlepiece.
Greet the woman you love with perfect politeness.
Add some smoulder.
Some unnatural nervousness.
A declaration of your feelings.
A few insults each way.
Smoulder.
Purse your lips.
Pick up your top hat and stalk out.

I've been watching North and South a lot. The train-wreck style proposal seems heavily influenced by Pride and Prejudice, so I have provided this brief summary for anyone else who might like to write a book I would read a lot, or make a movie I would watch a lot, or propose badly.