Health warning for single men.

Interesting fact which sparked me posting about this: Men who are married live longer on average than bachelors. There are added benefits if they marry women younger than them. This is because men who marry are looked after by their wives, we can suppose.

This is golden proof for my long-held theory that singleness is as bad for men than for women, or at least quite bad in different and unnoticed ways. The following observations are general* and based on my limited experience, and I'm not talking about young single men who haven't married so much as maturing men who seem to be aimlessly or unwillingly single, so don't go applying it all to your own situation. But I think there is a grain of truth here, among my random opinions.

1) Single women are high-profile; not, like, whinging, but everyone knows that they are single and it is unfortunate… biological clocks, real grief at missing out on raising a family, etc etc. There is nothing obviously unfortunate about single men—it can seem to be simply their own choice, mistake or failure. So women are getting all the pity and attention.

2) Single men do not seem as interested in singleness as an issue. Where women go "why, God? I want to be married!" and read books about singleness, listen to sermons, spend time questioning God's purpose for their life outside of marriage, blog and vent about it, and for fun watch chick movies about finding marriage, men don't. They are missing the bad things but also potentially the helpful and guiding things, and missing the pastoral care that single women seek out.

3) Single men are more likely to end up loners. Women are more naturally social, and get together to empathise and support each other. Unmarried men miss out on the socialising influence of their wife and family. Single women are more likely to flat together, men are more likely to flat alone—possibly for financial reasons, but it's another element of aloneness.

Single men are more likely to get weird. I'm not sure if all weird older loner men are single because they are weird, or if singleness is actually a major contributing factor to weirdness. Or if it comes down to the socialising factor of the wife/family. Either way, the value of having a wife to choose a shirt for you or nag you to get a haircut is enormous.

4) Men who stay single because it is more fun than marriage, who think they have the social skills to stay cool and want to enjoy their freedom to travel or be a slob or a workaholic or whatever… end up lame. It backfires on them. You can be single and cool and free when you're 28, but 5 years later you'll be single and sort of lame and immature, and in another 5 years you WILL be in the weird loner category and no woman will want you, because you were trying to extend your youth—while she was crying out "why God?" and growing in godliness (hopefully).

5) Unfortunately, according to Phillip Jensen at least, it seems that after 30 or so single men lose confidence to ask women out. Perhaps the rejection of a few women solidifies into self-doubt. Although much worse in my opinion are the desperate and not-shy men who hang around only the pretty single women in church. That is not the way to go! As mentioned before, women notice everything, and you will alert the Creepy Stalker Radar of every woman very quickly.

So if there is anything helpful I want to say about this, it is that older single men are probably more unsupported by church community than single women, and should fight the pull of loner land. And young single men should take warning and not leave it too late—get married before you get weird. Just kidding. They should prayerfully consider their reasons for singleness and the implications for ministry and their future.

* Where an opinion is general, it is usually correct. Jane Austen.