By the way, the title of your post reminds me of a Manic Street Preachers song, "Solitude Sometimes Is", which I love! In fact, if I wrote the above post, I would have named it that. Although singleness does not equal solitude, dude (just put the dude in cos it rhymed!).
I totally agree! It can also be disheartening 'cos it seems like you're getting nowhere.
I recommend the book 'The Single Issue'. There's a chapter which talks about how we can 'move forward'. It suggests that we shouldn't be afraid to do things like getting getting a house, buying a car, going on holidays, etc as we tend to think that we should hold off on those big things until we get married. It also suggests having an environment of some stability so we feel more settled. Also making the most of our singleness to serve as well.
Sorry I can't remember what is said exactly, but you're more than welcome to borrow the book. It's one of the few out there which are quite helpful.
oh yea, is that by someone Hsu? (if you know how I feel about Christian singleness books - DISLIKE!).But I think that book is pretty good.
I don't know if I like the premise of this post. I am single, I'm definitely not stagnant.
What do you mean by "moving on"?
If it is what I suppose that you're thinking. I think that it is just as likely to happened for marrieds. Maybe more so..
I think that there is more difficulty for a single to settle into a church because there is no safety net of someone to fall back on when there is noone to talk to. However, whether moving from church to church it is likely to be the same case.
Singles actually have it easier to change church because they are not tied in with other families and don't have to reassimilate their kids into whichever childrens program, and deal with the disjointedness of their whole family dealing with the change.
I think it's tricky when it comes to moving churches. I moved this year for various reasons, but one of them was that I was beginning to feel stagnant as my stage of life had moved on. Moving just for the sake of meeting new people is not a very good reason if it's the only reason, because the feelings of loneliness is unlikely to change once you're in the new church too. But that also depends on the demographics of your church (like Unichurch, most people eventually move on).
For singles, the feeling of being stagnant has a lot to do with feeling like they're missing out on life's natural cycle (engagement, marriage & children). Change for couples feels more natural as a way of adjusting with their circumstances. The difference is that singles have to be more active in making change happen as it might feel less natural as their life cycle is more stagnant. And they don't have someone constant to share it with so it's more daunting.
Yes, singles have more freedom & mobility & that's something married couples do not have the luxury of. If you think about it, a lot of married couples will feel the stagnancy of life at some stage. Esp. when children come along they might feel like they're tied down & crave change but do not have the freedom singles do.
Jess:) read my mind! I'll elaborate on my original post anyway:
Anyone can be bored or dissatisfied with life, and obviously the 'next stage' will not be frustration free. I'm not even really dissatisfied with my life. It's fine. But I think I have identified an issue for me. At this point, my life is not going down the popular, well-worn road of: childhood -> singleness -> marriage -> children -> grandchildren -> death. I can buy nice crockery, or even a house, but that doesn't change the fact that the course of my life looks like singleness -> death.
So I wonder what to do with that. And I feel the urge to create change. Become a jillaroo, or move to the other side of the world, or something.
Since you all are commenting on this particular post, I thought I can ask for some prayer here.
I just found out my ex-boyfriend (whom I dated twice) is now engaged (for the 2nd time). So you can imagine how confusing this is. Pls pray for my as I try to deal with all the emotions involved.
"Everything I do today seems to have a bit of a jelssie internal monologue going along with it." - Bec
"Can you put me on the bit where people said stuff about jelssie?!" - Christine
"I've heard of it" - Bryan
"It's worrying how much we learn from Jelssie! ;)" - Jess J
"Raises the word vacuous to a whole new level." - Ian
"Brilliant" - Sophia
"I've been reading it from time to time" - David
"I have a confession to make. I've been stalking jelssie" - Felix
"It educates/amuses/entertains me very much" - Hui Yee
"I heart jelssie" - Ben
"With 300+ blogposts to catch up on, but so little time, what does he read? http://jelssie.blogspot.com of course" - Doug
"It's like the highlight of my life. Please!" - Georgina
"Jelssie is my favourite blog, and I don't even really read blogs" - Em
"You wont get anything less than the big issues here" - Anna
"I haven't read it in a while" - Ben
Jess and Elsie have many things in common:
Jesus adventures in orthodontics 31 mutual facebook friends respect for the rules of Trinny and Susannah the Kingsford ghetto profound thoughts banananomics Jillian Michaels workout DVDs
How can singles "move on" as well?
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the title of your post reminds me of a Manic Street Preachers song, "Solitude Sometimes Is", which I love! In fact, if I wrote the above post, I would have named it that. Although singleness does not equal solitude, dude (just put the dude in cos it rhymed!).
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! It can also be disheartening 'cos it seems like you're getting nowhere.
ReplyDeleteI recommend the book 'The Single Issue'. There's a chapter which talks about how we can 'move forward'. It suggests that we shouldn't be afraid to do things like getting getting a house, buying a car, going on holidays, etc as we tend to think that we should hold off on those big things until we get married. It also suggests having an environment of some stability so we feel more settled. Also making the most of our singleness to serve as well.
Sorry I can't remember what is said exactly, but you're more than welcome to borrow the book. It's one of the few out there which are quite helpful.
What do you think about moving for the sake of change? Changing job or church or suburb?
ReplyDeleteBecause on the one hand, singles are advised to stay, commit and build long term relationships. On the other hand, I feel a bit stagnant sometimes.
oh yea, is that by someone Hsu? (if you know how I feel about Christian singleness books - DISLIKE!).But I think that book is pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I like the premise of this post. I am single, I'm definitely not stagnant.
What do you mean by "moving on"?
If it is what I suppose that you're thinking. I think that it is just as likely to happened for marrieds. Maybe more so..
I think that there is more difficulty for a single to settle into a church because there is no safety net of someone to fall back on when there is noone to talk to. However, whether moving from church to church it is likely to be the same case.
Singles actually have it easier to change church because they are not tied in with other families and don't have to reassimilate their kids into whichever childrens program, and deal with the disjointedness of their whole family dealing with the change.
I think it's tricky when it comes to moving churches. I moved this year for various reasons, but one of them was that I was beginning to feel stagnant as my stage of life had moved on. Moving just for the sake of meeting new people is not a very good reason if it's the only reason, because the feelings of loneliness is unlikely to change once you're in the new church too. But that also depends on the demographics of your church (like Unichurch, most people eventually move on).
ReplyDeleteFor singles, the feeling of being stagnant has a lot to do with feeling like they're missing out on life's natural cycle (engagement, marriage & children). Change for couples feels more natural as a way of adjusting with their circumstances. The difference is that singles have to be more active in making change happen as it might feel less natural as their life cycle is more stagnant. And they don't have someone constant to share it with so it's more daunting.
Yes, singles have more freedom & mobility & that's something married couples do not have the luxury of. If you think about it, a lot of married couples will feel the stagnancy of life at some stage. Esp. when children come along they might feel like they're tied down & crave change but do not have the freedom singles do.
Jess:) read my mind! I'll elaborate on my original post anyway:
ReplyDeleteAnyone can be bored or dissatisfied with life, and obviously the 'next stage' will not be frustration free. I'm not even really dissatisfied with my life. It's fine. But I think I have identified an issue for me. At this point, my life is not going down the popular, well-worn road of: childhood -> singleness -> marriage -> children -> grandchildren -> death. I can buy nice crockery, or even a house, but that doesn't change the fact that the course of my life looks like singleness -> death.
So I wonder what to do with that. And I feel the urge to create change. Become a jillaroo, or move to the other side of the world, or something.
I would like to add that marriage -> singleness -> death because one of you is going to die before the other.
ReplyDeleteBut how about singleness -> nephews & nieces?
singleness -> deaths sounds so stark.
*LOL* to Elsie's last line of her comment.
ReplyDeleteI hope I'll have the chance to have nieces/newphews & maybe even godchildren if I don't ever get married.
I forgot about change outside of my control... I should probably just sit back, trust God, and wait for something exciting to happen to me :)
ReplyDeleteSince you all are commenting on this particular post, I thought I can ask for some prayer here.
ReplyDeleteI just found out my ex-boyfriend (whom I dated twice) is now engaged (for the 2nd time). So you can imagine how confusing this is. Pls pray for my as I try to deal with all the emotions involved.
Many thanks.
Jess what is a jillaroo? actually can u email me at work? cos I don't always check ur site on a regular basis.
ReplyDelete