Lowering the tone.

I have an inner 5-year-old. Typos like this make me laugh:

Whoever is generous to the poo lends to the Lord,
and he will repay him for his deed. (Prov 19:17)

Poo! haha!

Which is why there is a team of proofreaders examining my work.

Sudoku.

Something amazing happened today, something which has turned my world upside down. Up until today, the highlight of my short sudoku career was last Monday, when while home sick in bed I finished the HARD Samurai Sudoku.

First of all, there are, in my understanding, two schools of thought on sudoku.

1. Some people, like my housemate, believe that you should never have to guess, you just need to keep looking at it til you see the next logical step.

2. Others, like my uncle, thank that a valid method of solving a problem is to make a guess, pencil it in, and then work through a few more steps to see if it is true.

I side with the first rule, because I do not have the patience to follow through if I try the second way. Whenever I guess, it all goes wrong and I am too frustrated to work back and try again.

So anyway, I had a week-old puzzle which I had only written in half a dozen numbers (in pencil). After many lunchtimes spent staring at it, I knew I would have to start guessing. So today I started guessing (in PEN!). And it worked.

All hail me, queen of sudoku!

No sexual purity in marriage?

Apparently purity rings are all the rage in America (or "some" of the rage). Jonas Bros wear 'em and so does American Idol winner Jordin Sparks. You wear it to symbolise how you're going to stay "sexually pure" until marriage, which I think means, no sex before marriage. Which kinda implies that sex in marriage is impure, or that you can become sexually impure when you are married (presumably because of sex).

I'd like to think sexual purity CONTINUES into marriage i.e. that you stay emotionally, romantically, sexually faithful to your spouse and you do not defile the marriage bed. You don't turn to porn. You don't turn to Mills & Boon. You don't turn to other people for sexual satisfaction other than your spouse.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (ESV)

Hebrews 13:4

And there's so much more to purity than just sexual purity. This is what Jesus had to say about purity:

And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: 11 it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.” Then the disciples came and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?” He answered, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” But Peter said to him, “Explain the parable to us.” And he said, “Are you also still without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.” (ESV, Empasis mine)

Matthew 15:10-20

I don't want to make light of the rings. Maybe it works well in the American context? But it is lacking in so many ways.

Don't get me started on church music!

I have definite opinions. At my old church I used to call myself the Music Nazi.

I commented on a Sydney Anglicans discussion about the dulness of church music, mostly complaining about the uninspiring songs, but of course branching off into lack of quality in musos and all the other things SydAngs love to bemoan when asked about music.

Partly I agree, but partly I'm sick of people complaining about this stuff. In my comment, I finished :

Complaining about the songs only gets you so far. The other issues are lazy, passive congregations and the fact that western culture as a whole has almost completely let go of corporate singing (yeah, except at Coldplay concerts).

Church music isn't the job of the music team, it is the joy of the congregation.

I make my move!

Labeling posts is a good way to look back and see what rates in the lives of Jelssie. Food has so far notched up 11 posts, whereas Fitness has only 1. Please see my only other mention of fitness here, before you read on.

I am proud to announce that I woke up this morning at 6.30am, and got out of bed, and went for a 35 minute mostly jog! This is a massive leap forward, as you will see in my summary of How To Start Morning Jogging.

1. Ponder starting jogging.
2. Decide to start jogging.
3. Start going to bed earlier.
4. Start setting your alarm earlier.
5. Start waking up to your alarm.
6. Start staying awake and getting out of bed earlier.
7. Start getting out of bed when the alarm goes off.
8. Plan your route.
9. Start going to bed at night in your track pants.
10. Start jogging.

You can follow these steps methodically, or do them in spurts. I spread them out over several weeks, and then just shot ahead in a fit of motivation and did steps 7-10, so I may need to back-track.

How to get in and out of a car in a pencil skirt

I fancied an expensive brand name denim pencil and was delighted to find a satisfactory one at K-Mart for $15. Wearing it reminded me how some skirts can restrict your ROM (range of movement), especially as I tried to get in and out of my car. Then I recalled a bit of a tele-movie/mini series on the late Diana, Princess of Wales. There was a scene where she was instructed on how to get in and out of a car in a lady-like fashion.

So, when you wear a pencil skirt or other items that restrict your ROM, try getting in and out of a car like this:

Getting in: get in butt first. Stick your butt in, sit on the seat, then swing your legs in, closed together.

Getting out: swing your legs out, closed together, and then climb out.

Lipstick Amnesia

I have lipstick amnesia.

Its when I walk into a pharmacy, department store or look in a catalogue, see lipsticks and go, "Ooh! Pretty colours! Ooh! On sale! Heavily discounted!"

I then buy said lipstick, get home and realise I already have about twenty lipstick-type products at home. In a similar colour.

I have lipstick amnesia because I get distracted by pretty colours and by potential bargains. Its also because I don't have much memory of buying lipsticks: the vast majority of my stash were given to me, so I THINK that I don't have very much, when I have more than enough.

My resolution: no more new lipstick-type products until I work my way through 3/4 of the stash.

Lipstick amnesia. That would make a great band name as well.

Let's hope I don't forget next time I see lipsticks for sale.

Zombies v Sea Monster (Regency Style).

I have for some time been aware of the existence of the book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I have skimmed through it in the shop, and it looks very clever. But I dont know whether I want to read it or not! I have been wondering if it would ruin the real thing. Plus, the real thing is cheaper than this joke book, which in my opinion devalues literature. I was thinking I would wait for the movie.

Then yesterday on Austenblog I saw a trailer for a follow-up novel, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. I don't know how to embed videos but go and have a look if it interests you. Here is a sample illustration.

Anitclimax.

Jelssie is about many things, but our teeth are pretty up there. So here is an update on my wisdom teeth, before I move on to other things like Jane Austen, dresses, and food.

I was hoping to have 3 wisdom teeth removed today. I had prepared the soup, the ice-pack, washed my hair and cleared my schedule, so that all I had to do was lie in bed feeling puffy. All these plans fell through.

One of my wisdom teeth is standing right on top of the big nerve canal, as you can see in that Xray, so my dentist wouldn't pull it out (due to risk of permanent facial numbness). The other 2 are straightforward but I didn't want to do half the job now and half later so I just got my teeth cleaned and went back to work.

In the short term, yay, I'm not in pain at the moment. Church camp will be funner this weekend.

But in the absence of pain I prefer to focus on other irritations, like how it will cost more to go to an expensively qualified Oral Surgeon, and it is at least another month of delay in the whole getting braces process, and now I have to eat soup for no reason.

All that preparation for nothing. Rant over.

Fare thee well, my dear wisdom teeth.

Here they are, meeting their public for the last time. Probably the first time as well, since my wisdom teeth don't get out much. Say goodbye, for tomorrow they will be ripped from my mouth.

I am keeping Bottom Left, so I will not be completely desolated. It will help fill the void left by a molar I had extracted while I was at uni. A tragic loss—it suffered sherbet bomb damage and finally succumbed to an abscess. I took that tooth home wrapped in a tissue and put it on top of the piano, but a few weeks later it had mysteriously vanished.

I wanted to finish this post on a somber note, so I found this quote:

Let us not unman each other; part at once; all farewells should be sudden, when forever.

—Lord Byron

The Maureen Method. Further notes.

Many thanks to my sister Heather, and our mum's friend, Maureen.

Now, if your Prospect doesn't return the plate you can always go and get it back, although this is less than ideal. According to Maureen, the return of the plate is a measure of returned affection. So, if he never returns the plate he is probably not interested. Alternatively, he may be just forgetful, ungentlemanlike, inconsiderate or a plate thief. You can work it out.

As mentioned in Step 0, if there is no particular Prospect you are speculating on, ask a group of them (maybe sharing a house) if anyone can help you. Whoever comes to help and brings back the plate, he is your man! In fact, Maureen didn’t even particularly like the young man who was always bringing her plates back, but she married him eventually. Several of her housemates also used the technique to great advantage.

I'll be moving house at the end of the year. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

How to get a girlfriend?

This morning I received one spam email, as follows:

How too Seduce a Girl - These Outrageous Techniques Will Help Yhou Seduce Her Within Seconds.www[dot]etc...

I fancy not.

The Maureen Method. Part 2.

Step 4: Damsel who can cook.
Bake a cake to say thankyou, put it on a really nice plate, and take it over to his house—third point of contact. You may eat some of it with him if he offers.
Tip: packet cakes are allowed, but not preferred. Do not buy a cake.

Step 5: Devious Damsel.
This step is vital: leave the plate at his house. The plate will have to be returned, and your prospect is given the chance to "take initiative" and visit you. You may have to make a really large or fragile cake so that you definitely have to leave the plate. Also, make sure the plate is nice enough for you to definitely to want it back.

Your Likely Prospect returns your plate, and your work is done! The rest is up to him.

Dress Theory.

I just bought a dress, after months of searching, scouring both Sydney and Melbourne. Why is buying a dress such a big deal? I believe the effort and money spent is completely worthwhile.

1. A good dress is like a good pair of jeans. With the right cut and fit, you will look great.

2. A bad dress is worse than a bad pair of jeans. You will look awful ALL OVER, not just your legs.

3. If you spend a relatively large amount of $$ on a dress, you can feel better remembering that it's like buying a shirt and a skirt. Halve the amount you spend!

4. A dress is better than a shirt+skirt, because it only takes one decision to get dressed in the morning. What a liberation.

5. A dress makes you feel fancy. In my office, it is a widely observed phenomanonom that dresses get compliments, and shirt+skirts don't.

The Maureen Method. Part 1.

Practical advice on How To Get A Boyfriend from Maureen, a very wise lady. There is nothing radical or new about this information, but we can all learn something. Here are the first steps...

Step 0: Identify a likely Prospect.
This is actually optional. You don't need to have a specific Prospect in mind, you may wish to use the Maureen Method as a fishing exercise. Cast a wide net, and see who bites.

Step 1: Create opportunity.
Find/invent a job that needs doing, such as moving a wardrobe. Fixing stuff (eg changing washers) also works so long as it doesn't require too much expertise.

Step 2: Damsel in distress.
First contact—ask the Prospect to help you with your problem.

Step 3: Prospect to the rescue.
He comes over to move your wardrobe—you have your second point of contact.

Stay tuned for steps 4-5.

How to get a boyfriend.

I don't want to spend much time on this blog ranting about singleness, so I have decided to offer some practical advice, beyond my post on Romance. I am preparing a series of posts on How To Get A Boyfriend. You wont be able to produce a boyfriend out of thin air, but if you can identify potential boyfriend material in your vicinity and wish to be subtly pro-active, these instructions may help you.

Part 1
Part 2
Further Notes

Acknowledgments: They will be based on material collected by my youngest sister from a friend of our mum.

Disclaimer: They are untested.

Note for Boys: I don't know that this blog is attracting many boys, but if you are out there, you are welcome to take notes. I may in the future collect and post material on How To Get A Girlfriend.

Deciding not to be Emo.

After watching Twilight on DVD, I have crystalised my opinions:

Emos have no sense of humour
Emos don't tan
You can't enjoy food and be Emo.

Sorry, vampires, that cancels me out. I'll never be thin, pale and mysterious.

Hot 'n' cold.

Cold, freshly sliced cheese is better for you than melted cheese, which is all hot and greasy. You can see the fat. Hot tea is a caffeinated drink like coffee, but iced tea is cool and refreshing like water.

Interestingly, I can eat large amounts of chocolate quite easily, but if I eat much melted chocolate I feel sick. I don't know why that would be, because it melts inside you when you eat it. But it proves my theory!

Pastry is a complete food.

I had a revelation this morning, when I ate a bit of pastry. Pastry is both a dessert and a breakfast food! You can also have it for a main meal. Pastry is one of those 'complete' foods that you can live on, like baked beans.

Four weddings and a...

The longer you are single, and the more weddings, wedding receptions and baby showers you attend, the more you can feel like you're always giving something nice to someone else, yet never sure you'll have the same opportunity to receive. So my friend suggested, perhaps for every four wedding receptions you go to, you should get yourself something nice.

Could you counter argue by saying for every wedding reception you go to, you get a lovely meal??

Thoughts?

Muchas gracias to Jess Jo for the inspiring title!

A step on the road.

I have decided to start morning jogging again. I am gradually working towards it. I got the idea a few weeks ago, and just let it sink in. Yesterday I set the alarm for 6:30, woke up, changed my mind and slept another hour. Today I woke up, changed my mind, but stayed awake and got up after half an hour. See? Progress. I am gradually resetting my body clock and aim to start jogging one day soon.

Singleness is sometimes...

Frustrating because you are stuck in one phase of life, while others move on.

A note to apartment designers

When installing dishwashers in two bedroom apartments, please consider installing a half-sized dishwasher instead of a full-sized one. We are more likely to use a half-sized one since we probably do not own enough crockery to fill a full-sized one, nor are we likely to be able to fill up a full-sized one within two days.