Wednesday, June 9, 2010

New body, new mind?

I've talked about having to mentally adjust to a healthier body before. The thing is, you are grateful for your healthier body, but at the same time, it is still really weird.

I feel mentally disconnected from my body. It's the little things, such as not recognising my shadows. I sometimes like to sleep with my hand on my stomach, but now even my stomach doesn't feel the same anymore. When I stretch my legs, I can feel fibre or muscle, which I never felt before. I can feel my hip bones when I put my hands in my coat pockets. All this is new. I look at pictures of me, and I've never looked that healthy before. How can that be me? Who is that person in the photos? I don't know how to view my body anymore.

There's not much literature on the internet (that I could find) on this topic. The closest I came to was Coping With Emotional Changes After Bariatric Surgery. It talks about the mental disconnect I feel. This is what it has to say about it:

Get to Know Yourself After Surgery

It is common for overweight people to disconnect from their bodies. Some avoid looking at their bodies and many withdraw from life. Once thinner, some people still view themselves as obese. Adjusting to your new body size can be difficult, especially if you have spent years thinking of yourself as a fat person. Give yourself time. In a sense, it is like getting to know a “new body.”

Exercising more may help you develop a healthier body image. Support groups may also help as you struggle to accept the new, thinner and healthier you.

It almost sounds laughable doesn't it? That you need a support group to help you as you accept the new, thinner and healthier you. But it's true. It is a struggle for me that I didn't expect. My mind is so used to thinking of myself as an unhealthy, fat person and now that I've left that lifestyle, it doesn't know how to adjust. I guess time will help me to adjust. The new physical me still unsettles the mental me.

It's also made me realise how much we look affects the way we view ourselves.

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