Yes, I'm watching The Bachelor, and I hate it, but I enjoy the shared experience of watching a TV show at the same time as other people and discussing it. That doesn't happen so much these day. I can't watch the trendy shows cos they aren't on free to air. I'm really enjoying Upper Middle Bogan and It's a Date, but I only know one person watching them. So segue The Bachelor into my singleness post. The thing in common is the odds of getting married, approx 25 to 1. Actually maybe those girls aren't so stupid after all because an exactly 1 in 25 chance of marriage to a handsome nice guy with a job is possibly better odds than in the real world.
Maybe I've always been a pessimist, or maybe I take a logical view of romantic things, but I've always prepared myself for singleness. I never assumed that I'd get married. I sort of hope I do, and I've generally admitted a slim chance, but I've made plans for my life based on the assumption of singleness. Apparently some girls (on The Bachelor and in cliche) plan their wedding in detail from girlhood. It's not that unusual to look around and all the adults you know are married so it's fair to assume you'll also get married, I know women like that, and maybe also they were more optimistic people than me, or they were more surrounded by potential husbands than I ever have been. I've had no boyfriends, and a number of dates I can count on one hand. Did I say hand? That's being generous. In these circumstances, assuming singleness is natural. But I'm possibly also just a gloomy pessimist. True, most people get married, but why ASSUME something you can't PLAN? You can't PLAN to meet someone at age 19 and marry at age 22 and have your first baby at 26, so what good is it to assume?
But even so, even if you're a really cute dainty fun girl surrounded by sensible yet amusing young men who ask you out, I think it's worth assuming singleness. Because you really don't know what is in your future, so make sure you're a well-rounded person with life skills and a savings account and a relationship with God. And then if you DO perchance get married, you'll have a bit more to bring to the relationship than your dream wedding. But if you don't, you'll be fine, and hopefully a little less disappointed. Things have worked out exactly as I expected so far.
Speaking of pessimism, on the weekend I mentioned that I assume singleness to some women from my church, and one of the married girls came up to me and said that she used to as well. Even when she was engaged she was pessimistic enough to keep her hopes checked a little bit in case her fiance changed his mind or died. So its probably a personality thing or an anxiety thing, as much as a wisdom thing. And they say that optimists are more likely to get what they want out of life. So don't listen to me! I shall assume I will have a four-poster bed one day.
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I like your thinking on this whole topic. But I mainly love how you end the post :)
ReplyDeleteI shall assume you will have a four poster bed too!
It's one of my 5 achievable dreams!
DeleteGreat post, Jess :) I used to assume marriage too, until I saw that it wasn't happening according to the time frame I was expecting and that it was affecting my life in a negative way. Then I started assuming singleness and I felt more focused and at peace with life. This was a big turning point: http://jelssie.blogspot.com.au/2010/12/revelation-and-liberation.html and it was only three years ago!
ReplyDeleteHuh! I was pragmatic, you were biblical. I seriously had no idea there were two schools of thought on this! Assuming singleness doesn't eliminate disappointment, but I feel like I've been getting on with other things and haven't wasted time. The danger with assuming marriage is that you reach an age where you wish you had a financial plan for your life but you thought you would get married and now you're 10 years behind financially. That sort of thing, pragmatically.
DeleteHmm, I read this when you wrote it and pondered. I don't think I ever "assumed" marriage, but I hoped. And I said dumb things like "biologically it's best to have your first baby before 25" and all. Sigh. But yes, it's good to have things sorted either way. I was actually discouraged on a number of occasions from buying property, back when I could have bought a house for like $100000, because I'd get tied down and all, and boy do I regret that now. But, you can't go back. So these days I feel like I have to be pragmatic about the past too and not wallow in the regrets. Obviously God had it all in hand ...
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