I've moved away from the east and I'm keen to make connections locally, so I've started going along to my local church. They run a course for newbies to get to the know the pastor and understand what the church is on about, in order for you to work out whether this church is for you.
One thing the pastor talked about, regarding what they wanted to achieve at church, was tender love in encouragement and tough love in confrontation*.
In my experience, when you receive tender love in encouragement at the right time, it is such a balm to the soul. When you receive tough love in confrontation, but at the wrong time, it is crushing to the spirit and you feel so misunderstood and unsupported. When you receive it at the right time, yes, it's a little painful, but you know that person has your best interests at heart, you would do well to heed their words and it is spoken out of love.
It takes wisdom and discernment to know which to use: spending time in the other person's shoes, understanding their lives and the situation they're in, and then making the call. Knowing which love to give at what time is one of the most helpful things you can ever give to a person.
*John Piper uses the same language in The Meaning of Membership and Church Accountability.
Monday, May 14, 2012
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