Speaking the truth in love

Last night, our Bible study groups kicked off for the year. A lot of the groups met together at church and we did an intro seminar on Ephesians 4:1-16. We spoke a bit about verse 15, "But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head—Christ." People spoke about it as rebuking and correcting each other in a loving manner, but I see it more than that. Speaking the truth in love can also be giving a word of encouragement.

When we struggle, we can lose perspective, lose sight of God. Speaking the truth in love in this case can be reminding each other that God loves you, cares for you, is in control etc. Encouragement is a great way to speak the truth in love.

Morning quiet time.

I have been trying to find a time to read my bible. I'm a morning person, but I'm also very clock-driven, and I've found that reading the bible at breakfast has me glancing at the time and mentally preparing to hurry off to the bus. Not conducive to meditating on scripture. After work can be a good time, no distractions, except that I do Jillian or am too tired. Then I realised, why don't I do it in the morning while mentally fresh but AFTER I've commuted! Then I realised, that's not my idea, Anna did that first. But now I've invented it too. So I catch a bus half an hour earlier each morning, which actually is faster and more comfortable and less crowded, and get in the office while empty, and I am in the perfect calm and undistracted state of mind.

This morning I was gazing out the bus window and it dawned on me that I was staring at unfamiliar blocks of flats. Looked around and lo, the bus was not in the centennial park bus lane, we were cruising on towards Anzac Pde. Was I on the wrong bus? Was I going to Central? Have I been paying attention AT ALL? But the bus driver was just being cunning and using Anzac Parade to overtake the buses in the park lane and we beat them all into the ED. Can't do THAT at 8.10, that's a 7.30 trick.

Read, memorize, learn.

I was super impressed to listen to a recorded sermon where a guy preached Hebrews from memory. He memorized it over 2 years, and then spoke it like a sermon. I've listened to it a few times and it's much more dynamically spoken than the audio bible.

I'm going to give Big Chunk Of Bible Memorization another shot. You read a verse, and repeat it to yourself a lot. That's it. I'm going to do 1 verse a day. My chosen chapter has 34 verses. I've written verse 1 on a note to carry around and check if I forget the words. I've also discovered that you can go to ESV online, bring up the tiny fragment you want, and then download the audio of just that verse or fragment. Which means you can put it in itunes and play it on repeat, and say it along with it.

Bible: reading/thinking.

You know how you're a bad Christian if your mind wanders off while you are reading the Bible or praying?

I have had an epiphany: This rule must be a construct of our time-poor, outcome-driven society, and I refuse to be guilty any longer!!!

I realised this because I'm now sometimes dipping into the Bible at breakfast and lunch. I normally don't do this because my "quiet time" is mostly done reading out loud, to aid my concentration and comprehension, which you can't do with food in your mouth. What I'm liking about the meal-time dip is that I read a bit, and then my mind wanders, and I don't instantly rouse on myself and try and pull it back to finish the passage. I think it's good to think about random things that reading the bible has stirred up in your mind. It's not a waste of time to follow some trail of pondering on a relationship or life issue or some biblical or doctrinal tangent you don't understand or an imaginary conversation or a memory.

Be liberated from attention-span guilt! The yoke is easy!

Revelation and liberation

I had a revelation yesterday. I have been living as if my life's primary goal is to find a marriage partner, settle down and have kids (this may have been obvious to some of you, but I was blind to it).

What is the effect of this? It means finding a marriage partner takes up a lot of your thoughts, prayers and conversations. It means questioning God, "Where is my husband? Where are my kids? Where is my house in the 'burbs?" and doubting yourself, "Why haven't I settled down yet? Aren't I good enough for anyone? What's wrong with me?"

What (or who) brought about the revelation? Well, God, obviously, but as I've reflected on my life throughout the year, I've been continually thankful for my current life situation. Life is good. Hard at times, but good. I can clearly see that he's given me opportunities that I can take only because of my current season in life: single and unburdened by marriage, kids and mortgage.

Secondly, we studied 1 Corinthians 7 in Bible study last week. Some of you may feel like you know this passage inside out, and you've done it to death. When we went around summarising what we thought the main gist of the passage was, I said, "If you're married, stay married. If you're single, stay single, but you're free to marry. Live as God's called you." It only struck me yesterday that the practical application for me is that my primary goal is no longer "find a marriage partner" but "live as God has called you". Once I realised that, I felt incredibly liberated.

It's liberating because the issue of marriage doesn't have to dominate my thoughts, prayers and conversations anymore. I don't have to worry about whether God has or hasn't got marriage in store for me or whether I'm an unmarriable nutter. It decreases the attractiveness of dating non-Christians considerably. But the greatest liberty is being freed from WRONG thinking. It is a beautiful feeling and state of being.

Sure, I'll continue to pray for me and friends regarding marriage (if it be his will) and at times I may be frustrated by my singleness and I may eventually try internet dating, but earthly marriage is not my life goal. It is neither here nor there. I am free to marry or stay single. Both are good options in God's eyes. Just live as God has called you, whatever circumstance you are in.

Memory Verses.

Bible memorising is an excellent thing. It can require work to learn big chunks properly—a lot of repetition. But I've found that I can remember quite a lot of small fragments just through familiarity, key verses which come up a lot in Christian contexts and have put themselves in my brain with no effort at all. And why not, pop songs* and funny lines** from TV shows get into my head all by themselves, so why not the bible, if I expose myself to it enough? It should come naturally, not just be some big thing that super-memorisers do. Like walking every day, even if you aren't representing Australia at the Olympics for power-walking.

The ESV online bible was released a little while ago, and I don't have an iphone so I'm not going to use it as a bible I can access anywhere, but it is very useful in many ways. I have made it my homepage and set it to open at the memory truth section. This page opens with a verse or two, and every little while it progresses to the next verse, so that you can re-read a small, easily digestible bit of scripture regularly and build it into a larger memory verse. Also, you can listen to someone read it, and ears are a faster way to the memory bank than eyes.

* "Hello hello again, she-boom and hopin' we meet again."
** "I don't belong here! I'm baldING! Why does nobody honour the ding!?"

On being a good comforter

In the recent past, I've been quite upset, as have a couple of my close friends (for unrelated reasons). As I've sought to be comforted, to comfort them, and reflected on times when I've failed to be a good comforter, it's made me realise what makes someone a good comforter.

Much of it, really, is being a good listener, a topic Karen covers well in the art of listening, and I commend it wholeheartedly.

I wish to make the following points in comforting an upset woman:

You don't have to solve my problem!
People make the mistake of thinking that when someone shares a problem, they are looking for a solution. In one sense, of course they are. Who doesn't want to get rid of their problems? But if they're upset, and they're not EXPLICITLY asking you for a solution, don't give one. Don't say, "Your situation is x and your solution is y". That is not why they are coming to you.

Don't tell me to "chin up" and "get on with it".
*sigh* I already know that. But that's not how I'm feeling at the moment. You saying that doesn't help. The next point is what an upset person really wants.

Give me your attention, your empathy, your love and your concern.
I want someone else, other than me, to acknowledge the hurt or particular pain I am going through. I want someone else to validate the feelings I am experiencing. I want someone to care that I am hurting. I want someone to give me a shoulder to cry on, and a big hug to make things better. Once again, I direct you to Karen's article on being a good listener. To be a good comforter, you don't need to say much at all. Shutting up is helpful at times. It's not about you when someone is upset (unless you are the cause of it), so don't relate your own experiences then and there. Maybe later. But not at the peak of the upsetness. When someone is upset, it should all be about them.

I might need some perspective...
A bit of judgement call is required here. Sometimes when someone is upset, their thinking is all skewed and they need to be given a bit of perspective (e.g. "Everything's going to be alright"). But BE CAREFUL. Do this the wrong way (i.e. before you've acknowledged what they've said and spent significant time being silent and taking in what the other person is going through) and it doesn't provide any comfort at all. Do it the right way and these few words may be just what they needed to hear.

...but don't correct me.
If the person is upset as a direct consequence of their folly, it is not the time to give a stinging rebuke. They probably already know what a fool or dill they've been. They probably already know what they should have (or should not have) done. Saying something like, "I can't believe what an idiot you are for leaving your wallet unattended" or even "You shouldn't have left your wallet unattended" is not helpful. It is not loving. It does not comfort. It belittles them.

Most of the time when a woman cries, it is to relieve stress. And she will feel better afterwards.

To round off this post, I love what the Apostle Paul says about comfort:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (ESV)

Bible headings are spoilers

Warning! Spoiler alert! The ending to the book of Ruth will be revealed if you read on!

I was reading the book of Ruth last night. I got up to chapter three, and thought, "Ooh, there's some tension and suspense here!" Ruth and Boaz have just spent the night on the threshing floor (sounds saucy doesn't it), and Naomi, Ruth's mother-in-law, is convinced he will redeem her. Chapter 3 ends with,

Then Naomi said, "Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today." (NIV)

I felt the tension! I felt the suspense! Will he? Won't he? Will he? Won't he?

And then the Bible heading ruined it all for me:



Boaz marries Ruth.

Okay, fair enough, I've read this a few times before, but just say this was your first time reading it. I'd be darn annoyed that the heading ruined all the excitement for me.